67 -year-old white man makes racial slur, Hip-Hop to Blame

(4/13/2007, MY COUCH) Don Imus, hip-hop enthusiast and known fan of the likes of Cam'ron, 50 Cent, Lil' Wayne, and of misogyny in general, made a recent remark on his radio show (which likely had hundreds of millions of listeners) that caused a minor controversy in the media. In case you hadn't heard, rap music directly took control of Imus's brain, retroactively causing every controversial statement the shock jock has ever made.

"It's not my fault," Imus was quoted saying to fake website KissMyAss.com. "Every time I hear Eminem spit that line where he kills his wife, I just can't keep the badness inside. I've got to let it out."

A movement has started to ban Imus from listening to hip-hop. "It's the right thing to do," rapper Aristo said in a press release sent via e-mail. "Hip-hop's an artform, not a message. If Imus can't invoke the name of rap music without bringing unjust criticism, he needs his collection taken from him. Those bootleg mixtapes, his Biggie Smalls poster, hell, even his Run-DMC and Rakim albums, just to be safe."

The above was a work of parody. Now can we please talk about something that matters?

Correction to the above information: Don Imus is only 66 years old. He is, however, still white.